• Power Imbalance & Domestic Violence – Tina Royles; Domestic Violence Expert and Relationship Specialist

    January 25, 2017

    Domestic Violence Advice

    It’s not a new thing to say there is a massive power imbalance in domestic violence relationships because there has always been an imbalance, but what there STILL is, is a power imbalance in the way domestic violence is dealt with not necessarily within the Courts as a whole, but within the family and civil courts, in particular where divorce and separation are concerned.

    The process of divorce and/or separation is an extremely difficult one even at the best of times for people who are going through or attempting to go through any form of amicable divorce because the whole process isn’t designed or geared towards open and transparent communication, or joined up sharing of information, therefore even the amicable can turned into hostile….

    But where domestic violence is concerned in an already difficult, turbulent, and abusive relationship where control and the abuse of power is present, then the divorce and separation process can and often is fraught with danger….yes there is a sentence on the mediation form:

    IMPORTANT:
    Are there any issues of protection, violence or safety which we may need to address?
    Normally mediation takes place with both of you in the room at the same time. Are there any reasons why you would wish to start the first session separately?

    But my thinking is how would the perpetrator react to such knowledge that the victim wants to have mediation separately, more than likely it’s like a red rag to a bull, surely the control would be slipping, the perpetrator would be less able to dominate, control, coerce or bully the victim into submission and/or compliance…so what is the protection the Courts can provide for the victim during this process? Because separation and attempts to leave a perpetrator is a high risk timeframe for any victim of domestic violence, or even when there has been no previous violence or abuse in the relationship, but because of the highly emotionally charged divorce and separation process even generally non aggressive nor violent individuals have the ability to become tense, frustrated and angry!

    Going through a divorce or separation isn’t an easy process and it triggers all sorts of emotions, from self doubt, low self esteem, feelings of rejection, feeling worthless, depressed, bullied, controlled and even feelings of suicide, and on the flip side feelings of anger, loss of control, manipulation, jealousy, loss, and financial difficulties….the only way to keep healthy and ‘safe’ within such a process is to tap into all of the agencies and organisations that are there to help, guide, support, empower and protect…in order for you if at all possible to come out of it ‘intact’ on some level in any way shape or form.

    Give alleged victims a fair hearing

     

     

     

     

    About Tina Royles

    Connet with me: Google+ Tina Royles is the UKs leading expert in domestic violence offering Domestic Violence Counselling, Relationship Counselling and Anger as well as Stress Management Counselling. She is one of the UK’s most qualified and experienced domestic violence experts providing consultancy and advice to those who have suffered domestic violence, are currently in violent relationships or to friends and family of those affected. Tina provides the materials and tools to manage relationship difficulties and domestic violence through awareness and education and is regularly called upon by the national and local press to provide expert comments on high profile cases. Tina Royles

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