• Domestic Violence Counselling

    April 2, 2012

    Domestic Violence Advice

    For those of you who are experiencing or who have experienced domestic violence or domestic abuse or if you know someone who has been through it you will know what a complex and traumatic issue it it.

    If you are a victim or survivor of domestic violence or domestic abuse, you will know how difficult it is to admit to others that you have suffered this experience, but it is often hard to recognise yourself that you or someone you love is going through it.

    Not only are the experiences traumatic in themselves, but they are coupled with a range of emotions that take on a negative conotation  such as blame, guilt and shame.

    For some it is difficult to recognise that what has happened should not be the `norm` in society, and have been led to believe that this is what to expect out of life, and for one reason or another out of fear or out of love, they remain in the relationship. For some they are able to find a level of strength and leave the relationship, only to find that there is a lack of support, lack of resources, pressure or fear from the (ex) partner, or out of love for their partner and children they return. For others they are able to find the continued strength and courage to leave the relationship and remain out of the relationship, but find that the trauma does not stop when they leave, but that in the form of memories and triggers the experiences remain within as a reminder, holding them in the experience unable to move forward.

    Some try to find a way through the complexities of domestic violence on their own, or with the help of friends and family, others seek the professional help from a range of organisations who claim to have the experience and knowledge to deal with the complexities of domestic violence.

    If you are someone who has experienced domestic violence or domestic abuse and you are seeking professional help then it is important for you look for a qualified specialist who has the ability to explore and work with you regarding domestic violence or domestic abuse. It is important to check their level of expertise, which can often range from a half days training to a full day of training. You have a right to ask who you are dealing with, this is your life.

    So why do I think we might be able to help you at Selyor Therapy Centre move forward on your journey and explore ways to come through the experiences that you have encountered with domestic violence or domestic abuse – well I believe that we have the experience, knowledge and skill set to work with you.

    Tina Royles (Director & Practitioner)
    So what is my experience, knowledge and skillset in relation to domestic violence and domestic abuse?

    The insights that I have gained from my experience and knowledge I believe put me in a unique position to be able to share those with you in a variety of formats and through a range of materials.

    I have gained the experience and knowledge through a variety of methods over the past twenty years, here is just a sample of the experience gained:

    I was a police officer with Essex Police for sixteen years and gained experience and knowledge through dealing with domestic violence, relationship difficulties and traumatic situations, with nine years specifically spent as a domestic violence officer. I was also specifically trained to deal with victims of sexual offences, and also serious traumatic incidents as a family liaison officer.

    In addition I have also been a trustee for two women’s aid refuges, chair of a successful domestic violence forum in Essex, and also a coordinator for another domestic violence forum in Cheshire. I have been a manager and a trained facilitator of a domestic violence perpetrator programme, and have spent over fourteen years delivering training around domestic violence and relationship difficulties, writing tailor made domestic violence and relationship difficulties programmes for a wide range of organisations or agencies.

    I have an enhanced level of knowledge and experience of domestic violence and domestic abuse on both a professional level but also on a personal level having experienced it first hand for eight years in a previous relationship.

    Here is a sample of my academic knowledge and practical experience

    Qualifications:
    Post Graduate Diploma in Relationship Therapy
    University Advanced Diploma Couples Counselling
    Person Centred Counselling Certificate
    Diploma Stress Management
    Diploma Anger Management
    Diploma Domestic Violence

    Specialist Experience & Training:
    Essex Police Certificate of Service
    Essex Police Sexual Offences Training
    Essex Police Family Liaison Training
    Essex Police Grievance Advisor Training
    Centrex Risk Assessment- Reducing The Risk Domestic Violence For Senior Managers
    West Yorkshire Police Domestic Violence Coordinators Course
    Domestic Abuse Trainers Certificate
    Diversity Trainers Certificate

    Facilitator Training:
    Action for Elder Abuse Facilitator Training
    Ahimsa Perpetrator Programme Facilitator Training
    Cafcass Parenting Information Programme Facilitator Training
    Domestic Violence Facilitators Training
    Recovery Toolkit Facilitators Training
    Safeguarding Children Facilitators Training

    I have recently been headhunted as an Associate for Research in Practice to deliver their domestic violence training in the North of the United Kingdom.

    Additional Courses:
    Male Rape Happens
    Child Protection
    Impact of Domestic Abuse on Children
    Child Sexual Exploitation
    Prostituition
    Domestic Violence: Assessing The Risk
    Domestic Violence: Assessing The Risk to Children & Young People
    Recovering from the Impacts of Domestic Violence (Injured Self-Esteem)
    Cancer Awareness
    Psychosexual Therapy Awareness
    Attachment Narrative Therapy

    Appointments:
    If you wish to make an appointment to see me regarding domestic violence or domestic abuse then please contact Selyor Therapy Centre by telephone, email or the contact form. Alternatively if you would like to share your experience prior to the booked appointment session and feel more comfortable then why not click on the `tell us your story` button, please ensure that you leave your full contact details in order that we can then make contact with you, otherwise we will not be able to make contact. Also please ensure that the details you provide us with will be safe to use. We recognise that confidentiality is paramount in order to provide a safe environment for you to share your experience with us, but we also recognise that if we have a concern for your safety or that of another then we will breach confidentiality and where appropriate with your consent contact the appropriate authority.      

    As stated due to the complexities of domestic violence and domestic abuse, your experience will have its own element of uniquness, but there will also be themes that are prevalent with domestic violence and domestic abuse. With this in mind we provide tailored services around domestic violence for your specific needs.   

    Cost of sessions and programmes around domestic violence and domestic abuse, will be determined on an individual case basis, due to the nature of possible financial abuse being prevelant.

    Sessions can either be one to one and range from short or long term work, or can be specific programmes to aid recovery on your journey which consist of either twelve week or twenty four week programmes covering not only what domestic violence is, but why it happens, the characteristics of individuals involved, the emotional and psychological impact, and personal development.

    We also work on an individual or group basis with perpetrators or abusers of domestic violence and domestic abuse. These sessions focus on the behaviour, values and beliefs of the perpetrator and the change process. Individuals must be in a position where they admit and recognise that their behaviour, abuse and or violence is inappropriate, and they are committed to change that behaviour. Also that they consent for contact to be made with any current (ex) partner to ensure safety whilst untaking the work.

    Selyor Therapy Centre’s decision to work with a client is determined on a case basis and our decision is final, if we do not feel at any stage that a client should attend or continue to attend sessions/programmes at Selyor Therapy Centre then we will inform the client of our decision.

    Further Domestic Violence Information:

    Domestic Violence includes any form of Physical, Sexual, Emotional abuse between people in a close relationship (including men, and people in gay or lesbian relationships). It can take a number of forms such as physical assault, sexual abuse, rape, threats and intimidation.

    Intimidation can be degradation, mental and verbal abuse, humiliation, depravation, systematic criticism and belittling, financial abuse, emotional abuse and control.

    Victims can suffer broken bones, scalding, terrible wounds, miscarriage even death

    Verbal abuse is not the odd shouting match or battle of wills that some couples engage in; it is a continual process of mental and emotional manipulation by the abuser. The emotional scars on the victim of this type of abuse may take years to heal – if at all. It is not easy for the victim to accept that someone they love and have trusted can behave so aggressively towards them. “Because they cannot explain their partner’s behaviour, many victims/survivors assume that they are to blame”

    Research suggests that there are three types of perpetrators of domestic violence:

    Those that assault within the family only whose characteristics are: high dependency on their partner, low levels of impulsivity, poor communication skills, and family of origin violence. Those that are dysphoric/borderline whose characteristics are: parental rejection, child abuse (family of origin violence), high dependency on partner, poor communication skills, poor social skills, hostile to women, and with low remorse.

    Those who are generally violent/antisocial whose characteristics are: delinquency, have deficits in communication/social skills, family of origin violence, and where violence is viewed as an appropriate response to provocation.

    The victim can develop the following characteristics: lowered self esteem, feelings of helplessness that affect how they think, act and feel.

    There are some with the psychological characteristics that generally resemble those of hostages or kidnap victims (Stockholm Syndrome) such as – a denial of events or act in a way of a survival strategy – the result of being in a life-threatening relationship not the reason for being in the abusive relationship. They can suffer from sadness, depression, stress disorders, and psychosomatic complaints, increased social isolation, increased peer isolation, poor social skills, feelings of powerlessness, feelings of confusion and insecurity, with little or no understanding of the dynamics of violence, and, often, an assumption that violence is the norm. They take the blame for the violence, have a poor internal sexual image, and have heightened suicide risks and attempts including increased thoughts of suicide. They may have witnessed domestic violence as a child. In some cases there is an increased dependency on alcohol, and the possibility of debt problems.

    There is not a “typical battered victim”, as each case is different, some victims respond/react differently to different situations, and the situation depends on the circumstances, and also the help and support available from any friends, family or agencies. Some victims are in fact in the workplace, may hold high profile and responsible jobs, and are still susceptible to domestic violence in their private life.

    Domestic violence has no social boundaries.

    Some domestic violence victims through feelings of  low self esteem or vulnerability may in addition go on to encounter bullying from other individuals in other settings such as extended families, or workplace bullying.

    About Tina Royles

    Connet with me: Google+ Tina Royles is the UKs leading expert in domestic violence offering Domestic Violence Counselling, Relationship Counselling and Anger as well as Stress Management Counselling. She is one of the UK’s most qualified and experienced domestic violence experts providing consultancy and advice to those who have suffered domestic violence, are currently in violent relationships or to friends and family of those affected. Tina provides the materials and tools to manage relationship difficulties and domestic violence through awareness and education and is regularly called upon by the national and local press to provide expert comments on high profile cases. Tina Royles

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